Sophie, mum of Delilah and Indiana, shares the contrasting experiences she had for each of her pregnancies and how important it is to form a good relationship with your midwife!
If you can’t watch the video, here’s what Sophie says:
When I first found out I was pregnant I was really nervous to go to the doctor and get signed up with a midwife and she made that process a lot harder because she made me feel like I was too young to have a child.
She was very forceful in her sort of suggestions that I should have an abortion, which was quite hard.
During my labour, I had a midwife who said, ‘oh you’re 19 as well? I’ve got a daughter whose 19.’ And I thought ‘oh cool!’ and ‘cause we were from the same area we were like talking about her and she sort of said like oh do I know her.
And then she said, ‘I wouldn’t allow my daughter to be pregnant at 19.’
And that really sort of like, it was that embarrassment during labour I didn’t need.
Just because I was 19 when I gave birth, I didn’t need that to be a thing. I wanted to have control of my birth the way I wanted to and I felt that the elder health care providers just didn’t understand and they didn’t seem to be trained to sort of deal with those sort of situations and diversity that we now have in motherhood.
I was sort of passed around from pillar to post. When I gave birth to my daughter it was at a change over time of like shifts. So I think I saw about 5 midwives during my child birth for my first.
This time round when I gave birth to my son, I really made an effort to connect and have a bond with my midwife and I really pushed for her to be there at my next labour because I knew it was something I needed as a mum.
And she was there through the whole thing. And she knew what to talk about and didn’t make me feel embarrassed or too young which was something that I needed.
I think after having my first experience I was very withdrawn and wasn’t up for going to a lot of mid wife appointments and my second time round I just cancelled them quite a lot.
And it wasn’t until she liked called me and said ‘come on, you’ve got to come in, you’ve got to have an appointment.’ And then we set up that relationship which was more reliable and more of what I needed.
And I needed that support from my mid wife ‘cause it is hard to know what you’re doing and even though they were close together pregnancies, it is completely new and different having a pregnancy.
Each pregnancy is different and it is a big scary life changing thing and you need that support around you.
Read more advice from young mums and midwife, Lisa below:
- My three biggest challenges I’ve faced as a mum, by Sophie
- What happens at antenatal appointments? Morgan’s experience, by Morgan
- Writing a birth plan, Midwife Lisa