When I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed until Delilah was at least two, things didn’t work out that easy and idealistic for me.
She didn’t come out and instinctively crawl up my deflated belly to my target like nipples and latch; she would scream if I put my boobs near her most of the time & that was heart-breaking for me especially with my determination to breasfeed her. She latched a couple of times but I mostly had the midwives expressing colostrum from my boobs into syringes which were then given to her.
When my milk came in, I then started to express, express and express every 3 hours which in between was filled with feeding and cuddling Delilah then I had to wash & sterilise the equipment then it was almost time to express again. It was tiring to say the least!
My boobs would leak all the time, my hormones were everywhere, I saw every breastfeeding consultant under the sun (none offered anything that would help) I meditated, practised Reiki on myself and Delilah but my dreams for my breastfeeding journey was filled with something that resembled a milking farm owned by Tesco.
I didn’t give up and I plodded along until I found nipple shields, which a friend mentioned and they helped but alas not for long before our journey was over three months in because I felt my supply diminish, which is common with shields.
A year on and I still get a strong pulling sensation in my breasts and feel the desire to breastfeed most days; I feel like I should be healing now from my failed journey but it still sits with me strongly.
However, our short lived breastfeeding journey was so incredible, I honestly cherish every second of it am so deeply sad it wasn’t longer. There is no denying my perfect little girl is happy and healthy so it’s something that just happens unexplained.
My advice for other mums who are struggling to breastfeed
Any advice I offer is that mums should talk to people who share the same values about breastfeeding and talk about their journey with it. Talking is the best healing as I rejected my body when I felt it didn’t work but the truth is, it could of been for many reasons why it didn’t go smoothly. Also trust that your baby is healthy and will not suffer due to an alternative feeding route.